Thank God It's Monday

i've begun to hate the weekends more than any other part of the week....every friday night, i find myself counting down the hours to Monday...it's tragic, really...the hectic monotony of the working week holds more promise for me than the nothingness of a lazy saturday...i have become an activity junkie...

it says a little something abt an individual when he no longer knows how to appreciate his free time (i cant help but wonder if using the generalised "he" to refer to the hypothetical individual, as opposed to the more comprehensive "he or she", is politically incorrect...i can't help but wonder if i should even care....hmmm...) just what exactly it says though, im not very sure of, because as i craft this sentence out in the space that used to be occupied by the last two sentences that i'd typed out only minutes ago, and which i subsequently proceeded to delete only seconds ago (thereby effectively denying you the possibility of ever having been aware of these two sentences' rather short lived and somewhat inconsequential existences, were it not for the inclusion of this terribly longwinded and overcomplicated sentence with many additional superfluous clauses and unnecessary words thrown in just for the sake of good old fashioned fun), i begin to realise that what i originally thought to be the case might have been a tad bit oversimplistic...hmmmmm.....

free time is all fine and dandy when there's just the right amount of it...its a precarious thing, free time....too little leaves us suicidal as we crave for quiet and solitude...too much on the other hand leaves us...well...it leaves us suicidal, as we crave for company and activity to alleviate the boredom...juz the right amount leaves you feeling whole and contented, but the fact that so many of us arent whole and contented just goes to show how difficult gettin the balance right is....

claire danes has nice legs....


i am apathetically aware that there are likely a significant number of loopholes, contradictions and flaws in this entry thus far...i shall proceed unfettered...

i think i belong to the camp that has too much free time and too little to fill it with...i blame it on my self-imposed cashflow restrictions...my lack of a social life has nuthing to do with me being uninteresting or unlikeable as a person...it has everything to do with my bank account...

persevere, young man!! monday will be upon u soon, and this awful weekend will be a thing of the past!!

This is Dreamer signing off.....sigh...

The fluffy pink clouds you float on are like green ponies...they're not REAL!!

i despise positivity in others....it pisses me off oh so much when people start sounding like self help books, or those pick-me-up posters you always find in offices and hospital waiting rooms...it makes me wanna shred these people's tongues with a fork...

of course, i exagerrate when i say that...but u get the picture...i get irritated...i think life would be a hell of alot better if ppl were just generally bummed out...ppl would meet and say things like "how's life..?", and the other person would go, "same shit, different day", or somethin along those lines...nobody'd be out tryin to prove any point...shared misery would take the competetive edge out of livin...

positivity is to me a fragile, delicate thing....it is not the default human state...it is an artificially constructed shell that we build ard the dreariness of everyday life...we try and convince ourselves that we're above the problems we're surrounded by, and that we're in control of our lives...the truth is, that sorta control is an illusion...it is not somethin we can actually have...


ppl who sound like self help books seem to me like glass bubbles...they float around all glistening and shiny on the outside, but once theyre hit by a shit storm, they sink, and on contact with the slightest of sharp edges, shatter into a ga-zillion shards of irrepairable nothingness...

i know im being unfairly harsh here...im sure some pretty bubbles have emerged from numerous shit storms unscathed...these lucky few have no doubt gone on to write self help books on the powers of positivity, in order that mere mortals such as us might benefit from their perkiness...

i cant help feelin that these success stories are the exceptions to the norm...for every self help guru out there, there are a million hapless souls tryin and failing to overcome life thru the wonders of silver linings and half full glasses...i cant help but feel that theyd be a whole lot better admitting that life's a cold hard bitch, and that if we all stopped lookin up so much and looked straight at each other instead, we'd find comfort in the fact that we're all facing this shitty life together...

"positivity" tells the world that its wrong to feel down, disillusioned, or depressed about the state of our world...it tells us that we have the power to feel happiness inspite of the sorry state of things, when deep down inside we know we really shouldnt be all that pleased..."positivity"is an illusion and a delusion...it is the denial of reality...

hmmm...im probably comin across as all doom-and-gloomy...abandon hope all ye who enter here!! and all that jazz... well..in reality, im probably alot more positive than any of you out there, coz i havent given up on this world just yet...the positivity i feel is honest though...it is as far fetched as any science fiction movie out there, but i am fully aware that it is...

life still sucks ass, we're all just corporate slaves, and countries use god as an excuse for people to murder each over oil and money, but maybe if we'd all juz bitch about it a little more instead of tryin to convince ourselves and each other about how good we're feelin, things would get a little better...? who knows....

And that, by the way, is why i call myself the dreamer...

This is Me signing out.

Don't get too comfortable....

i cant seem to do a thing about the irregular font sizes in my last entry...how utterly, utterly annoying....

i shall leave it as it is...it is good to sometimes invite a little chaos into one's well-structured universe, just to mix things up a little...

just as variety is the spice of life, the opposite is likewise true...regularity and routine are the bane of life...

i dont really have much to say today...i shall conclude with a poem i scribbled at work after glancing out the office window...

THE WORLD IS GRAY.

Sitting at my lonely seat
doesnt help my aching feet,
nor heavy eyes that yearn for rest...
Sitting here's an awful test.
I turn, i gaze, the world behold,
through glass for treasures great, untold...
Before me lies not glorious day
'cause Everything is Fuckin' Gray...

This is Dreamer, signing out....