Keep Your Smelly Oysters to Yourself

G'day, folks!!

It's been a while since my last entry, and so i think i owe it to my fans to write something, even if there really is nothing pressing on my mind...

I'm beginning to worry that i've said all i've had to say about everything worth sayin anything about, but somehow, i dont really think thats true at all...

i think i've been overcome by a general sense of malaise...thinkin up new things to write about can be such a chore sometimes...it's really not fair on my readers though...you guys need my words the way a crack whore needs her fix, and i really oughta be trying harder....

and so i write...alas, inspiration comes in the form of an advert!!

Vagisil...what an effingly disgusting name!! i dont really know anythin about what the product is for, but i have a general idea....

Is it right that a product advertised on mainstream media have such a graphic name...? the product obviously derives its brand name from the word for female genitalia, and while the body part does not actually disgust me, the blatant association of the product with said body part is kinda disturbing...

Women might regard me as somethin of a prude for thinking this way..but i dont think im being overly conservative here...

Think about it...if a similar men's product called itself "Penisil", and if this product were advertised for on the mainstream media, there would be public outrage!

Women would not appreciate the mental imagery of the intimate portions of the male anatomy bein thrust upon them...why then should men not bat an eyelid when women commit the same misdemeanor..?

I do not enjoy thinking about vaginas over dinner...as desirable as they might be in other contexts, the thought of one in need of maintenance while i chow down on a meal reminds me of spoilt oysters....

I say either change the name, or stop advertising on tv! the third alternative is to allow advertisements for penis enlargers on TV...i dont see how thats any worse than one for a vagina cleaner...

hmmmm....not exactly the post i had in mind when i signed in...its better than nothing i guess...




Or is it...?

This is Dreamer, signing out.....

A Rose by Any Other Name.........

Hullo, Fans!!

the world is a flower today...a great big fragrant girly flower...my last entry was awesome, even if i do say so myself, and its left me feelin a whole lot better than i have in recent weeks!!

Its amazing the power this blog has over my emotions....one might say frightening, even!!

God knows how i'd survive without the internet...without the net, i wouldnt have this blog!! i shudder to think of a world without my wisdom to guide it!!

But anyway....As i've already said, the world is a flower today...ordinarily, i would not regard a comparison to a flower as something positive, but today is different...today, flowers are awesome...

I think i've sorta succeeded in my quest to be humorous like i used to be...nah..i take that back...im sure i have..i made quite a few people smile today....

Its nice makin people smile...even if it is at my own expense...i enjoy feigning stupidity...its fun acting daft...you should try it sometime...its liberating...

am i alone in thinking too many people take themselves too seriously all the time....? i dont like being around people who don't enjoy laughing at themselves....

I have a feeling people who take themselves too seriously all the time don't like being around me either...

I dont really care, because today, the world is a flower.....

This is Dreamer, signing out.

@--}-----

An Ode to my Brilliance......

i have decided to write aimlessly for my second post of the day...often the best things i have to say come to me when i choose not to use my brain...

i must not whine though...i've been a little too self indulgent recently...i must remember that my problems mean squat in the grander scheme of the universe...

i must celebrate life...as difficult as it seems, i must...if i do not do so in this pathetic blog, i will never do it anywhere...

i must make someone laugh...the words here are not meant to depress...they are meant to elucidate and revive...humour does that sometimes...

i have become a wannabe poet of late...i doodle at work when bored, and i write random verses...some of them are pretty good..poetry is so very self-indulgent...more self indulgent than writing a blog...

i can be such a cocky bastard sometimes...who can blame me..? i'm brilliant compared to the rest of you schmucks...

is dignity worth upholding..? when some1 treats you like dirt, do you turn the other cheek, or do u turn and show them your rear end instead..?

singaporeans are generally stupid and boring...i blame it on the government...its been telling everyone that prowess at maths makes you smart...it makes u a certain type of smart...it makes you the kinda smart thats actually stupid and boring...

have i crossed some sorta line by blaming the government..? or by calling singaporeans generally stupid, for that matter..? if there are any spooks out there reading this, you guys know im kidding dontcha..? dontcha..???

Is dissent disloyal..? does it make me unpatriotic if i have an opinion of my own..? if i thought you had at least half a brain in you, i would not have even bothered asking that question....

John Lennon was an awesome crazy brit...i luv it that he luvd yoko passionately all the way til his dying day..i luv it that he dared to dream...i luv it that he dared to disagree...we need more john lennons...

this is turning out to be the best bit of writing ive done in a while..i'm gonna screw it up a bit now by typing out one of my doodled work poems....

Art is Life
God is in the Details
Art is Strife
God is in the Derailed

Brilliant, innit..? where's my Pullitzer..?

here's one i wrote about sticking to your principles...

A pride, a fall
A grave, a crawl
A thought, regret
A-gain? you bet.

Dammit, i amaze even myself sometimes...

its healthy to believe in yourselves, you know...humility should not overshadow ur sense of self-worth...pride has been villified unjustly...

did i just spell villified correctly..? i'm not sure if my spellcheck is working...im an atrocious speller, you know...id get my ass whooped in a spelling bee by a bunch of 12 yr olds...

i tried writing a book once...i stopped at the beginning of chapter three...i had no idea where the story was going...i think there's a market for localised children's books though...it cant be that hard selling English to a bunch of barely literate brats...

I know this isnt gonna win me points with the ladies, but i cant stand kids...sometimes i force myself to try and see their beauty and shit...i dont see it...i only hear their whining..

women whine alot too...women think theyre royalty...every gal thinks she's a princess, and that she ought to be treated like one..most men pander to their whims coz they just wanna get laid...after a while, putting up with all that whining is no longer worth the sex...

I have little patience for women these days..none of you seem to have anythin interesting to say..i dont get the whole painting of fingernails and toenails either...nobody gives a shit..painting your fingernails and toenails is more self indulgent than poetry...

there are a few women i do find interesting, though...sadly, these interesting women do not hold me in the same regard...

there are some women i find teetering on the fine edge of tolerability...these are the women i would consider for a shag..you should be honoured that i would think of you that way...

I dont like flings though..they leave me feeling cheap, dirty and slutty...

i like the sound of that last line..believe it or not, its true...

I think i'll end this entry right here...its been a blast!

This is Dreamer, signing out.

A Feather in the Armpit of Creation....

gawd almighty....

I so totally hate my last two entries....have i totally lost my sense of humour...??? did i ever have one in the first place...???

Im not so sure...i used to think i was hilarious...these days im a fuckin bore...i blame it on society at large for leeching the very life outta me...god knows it couldnt possibly be my fault!!

today, i make a vow to rediscover the zest that once made me the life of every party....i vow to be crazy once again...i hate this grouch that i've recently become!!

What is a life without humour worth...? Nothing at all, i say!! Everybody knows deep down inside that the whole universe is itself a great big cosmic joke, and that humour is the divine law that governs the anarchy of existence!!

despite this, humour is so often lost on the unimaginative, and when dumb people are concerned, cracking a good joke reaps little reward..a sad reality when there are oh so many dumb people ard...

having the good nature to laugh at oneself is perceived as foolishness...teasing someone else is rude...sarcasm is mean...wit is dry...whats left..? i dont really do slapstick...

it seems there is only one alternative...ive gotta crack more dirty jokes...as if i dont do enuff of those already...

30 second pause....

i've thought about it, and i've decided to screw the world and its bland opinions...its time for me to loosen up, be myself and unleash my funny on the universe...

i'm off to a pathetic start though...this entry sucks ass as much as the last two...

i think i'm gonna end this one prematurely, and start on another one just for the heck of it...

This is Dreamer, signing out.

Nice guys finish last.....

Hello, wicked, wicked world....

We have got to be living on the sickest planet in the universe..please do not get me wrong...the planet itself is beautiful and full of wonderment...it is the people on it that are such a tragic disappointment...

We seem to nurture a system of life that guarantees reward for the unscrupulous and uncaring... it certainly does not pay in anyway to be nice...the bigger the prick you are, the better your prospects...

Its sad that we regard dishonesty as the norm...any attemt to be good is shunned upon and punished...the honest are ostracized, the wicked embraced...just look at what they did to John Lennon, and you'll know i'm right!

Alas, while it seems that i speak of life in general, my disenchantment in fact stems from my recent social encounters with members of the opposite gender..

a rather trivial issue on which to base such harsh global judgements, one might point out..i concur, but i can't help but notice how my observations reflect somewhat accurately the nature of the world we live in...

when a man meets a woman, it does not pay to be honest...one should not attempt to behave naturally...such behaviour is severely frowned upon by the fairer sex...

Nooo....in order to succeed in the game of courtship, one must fashion a completely artificial facade, and treat the fine lady in a manner that is totally unrepresentative of one's true self...women value this dishonesty, and reward it kindly with affection and physical intimacy..

I suck at lying...it thus comes as no surprise that im crap when it comes to dating...i guess i'll just have to get used to the idea of dying single....

No big loss, i guess..i'm callin it a night.

This is Dreamer signing out....